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Most of my 20s I thought if anyone knew, they'd be disgusted by how weird I am and immediately go find some normal girl who knew how to sex. I'm seeing a therapist to work hed my self-worth and intimacy issues. I've tried vaginal sex toys so I think I'm pretty much ready for sex physically. What worries me is the emotional aspect - how do I judge when I'm ready? What should I wait for? Of course reddit can't tell me if I'm ready or not, but I'd like to hear if anyone has been in a similar situation.
Did you wait until you were in a relationship or did you just find someone willing to try it out with? How did you feel about it afterwards? After not having sex for this long, I guess it's inevitable that I'm making it a bigger deal than it probably is. It's hard to find a balance between lowering my expectations and not waiting for some perfect conditions, and looking out for myself and trying to make my first times having sex as nice as possible.
Ideally, I'd want to meet someone and have a loving, fun, relaxed relationship, and our expression of affection would start as cuddles and then seamlessly evolve into sex. The scenario I want to avoid is I go "fuck it", do it with the first dude I find because it's all for fun and not a big deal, and then it's really uncomfortable and I feel totally unloved and lonely afterwards, because I did something intimate with someone who didn't really have any feelings for me.
I guess the more realistic thing to aim for is somewhere inbetween? If the first time turns out ok, I imagine it will still feel a bit strange at first to not be a virgin anymore. Even if I think it's just a concept, it's still been a part of my identity for a long time. Anyone here who dealt with that? How did you feel, was it an issue at all? Lastly, I've realized that I have really medieval views on female sexuality. I thought I was pretty feminist and sex-positive, but I see sexual expression and assertiveness in women as embarrassing, shameful and "un-ladylike".
Any tips how I can change those stupid views?? If you read all that, thanks a lot!
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